Fantastic Life
by LeaDepp
Summary: This isn't a fantastic life, Jack. Rose copes with the Doctor's regeneration. NineRose implied.


**Fantastic Life**

**Disclaimer: For some reason the BBC won't give Doctor Who to me. I swear I would be good to it. The scenes in italics are taken from the episodes "The Unquiet Dead", "The Long Game", "Dalek" and "World War Three".**

**AN: This is my first foray into Doctor Who. Massive fan, I've just been massively busy at uni. I wrote this a couple of weeks ago after watching POTW and then listening to "Sommersault" by Decoder Ring which of course resulted in tears. This is the result. Oh, and my Doctor Who ringtone rocks socks.**

"It's snowing," I whisper softly, holding my gloved hand out, watching fascinated as each flake hit my glove, slowly melting in its warmth, leaving a small damp ring.

"You love the snow," a voice behind me encourages.

I turn to find Jack staring at me, concern lining his features, his hands stuffed deep into his pockets. He breaths slowly and gently, a small fog created with each exhale. I watch fascinated as it hangs there a second before quickly dispersing in the frigid air.

I look away, tears stinging the back of my eyes. I hated this. I hated everything about my existence. Numbly following the Doctor around hoping to see some spark of the man who took my hand and told me to run for my life, each new place sparking an increasingly painful memory of our history.

Behind me I hear the Doctor stumble out of the TARDIS, whistling quirkily. I hear a thud as Jack's arm hits the Doctor's chest, stopping him from approaching me. I don't think I could have handled it today. The Doctor taking my hand like _he_ would have done, pretending as if nothing had happened, like we were still the same people.

His hand had never fit mine the same again. It just felt wrong. Too small, his fingers no where near as strong, his grip no where near as comforting. No amount of closing my eyes and fooling myself could change that.

Having a TARDIS was supposed to mean no limits. I could go anywhere and he would have taken me. I saw in his eyes that he knew what this was doing to me, yet somehow neither of us could let go.

He couldn't take me to the one place I longed so much to go. There was absolutely no way we could cross the time line without any consequences. I knew I wouldn't be able to restrain myself from saying something, trying to prevent what had happened. If I had asked he would have taken me back.

I didn't ask.

I couldn't risk losing absolutely everything.

"Its okay, Rosie," Jack whispers, coming up behind me and pulling me into a tight hug, "I know."

I turn, burying my face into his chest, allowing his familiar scent to send me hurtling back through my memories.

_xxx_

"_I did it! Give the man a medal." The Doctor exclaimed grinning cheekily. "Earth. Naples. December 24th 1860."_

"_That's so weird. It's Christmas."_

"_Onward."_

"_But it's like -. Think about it though, Christmas 1860. Happens once. Just once. Then it's gone. Finished. Never to happen again. Except for you. You can go back and see days that are dead and gone hundreds and thousands of sunsets ago. No wonder you never stay still."_

"_Not a bad life?"_

"_Better with two," I answer with a grin._

_xxx_

_Adam looked up at me as we explored Satellite Five, his eyes earnest and tinged with slight disappointment. "It would take a better man than me to come between the two of you."_

_xxx _

"_Blimey!"_

"_Don't laugh," I tell him, trying to hide the embarrassment I was feeling at wearing a corset._

"_You look beautiful…" he tells me in complete awe, before he catches himself. "Considering."_

"_Considering what?"_

"_You're human." It was a weak excuse and we both knew it at the time. It would have complicated things far too much._

"_I think that's a compliment."_

_xxx_

_My whole body shook with fear as I stood in front of the Dalek, as it talked to the Doctor with in its jerky and metallic voice. "What use are emotions," it asked, "if you will not save the woman you love?"_

_xxx _

_The Doctor stared at me across the disgustingly expensive table, his eyes burning into mine, his fear tangible. Not fear of death, nor fear of the Slitheen. Fear for me. I think that was the moment I knew. The Doctor was going to do everything in his power to make sure that the only thing that ever separated us was my death. And he was going to do everything that he could to prevent that. _

"_You don't even know what it is, you'd just let me."_

"_Yeah."_

"_I could save the world… but lose you."_

_xxx _

"I know, Rosie, I know."

"Maybe I should go home," I announce, looking up at Jack to carefully gauge his reaction.

"Are you sure? Is that what he would have wanted? Your Doctor I mean. Would he have wanted you to go back to your boring little shop life?"

"He wanted me to have a fantastic life. For him. Have a fantastic life, Rose." I pause, gathering my thoughts. "This isn't a fantastic life, Jack."

"Maybe we can take you home. Just for a visit. See your mum and that Ricky bloke and then you can decide. No pressure."

I sigh, not bothering to correct Mickey's name. "You don't want me to go do you?"

"Life would be a little too boring without you, Rosie."

I smile slightly. "Smooth talker."

"It's not going to always be like this," Jack tells me ignoring the question.

"Don't say it's going to take time."

"I'm not. Because it won't."

I pull away slightly from his hug. "I thought you were supposed to be reassuring me here."

"I'm not. Just telling you the truth," he answers with a wink, before his face suddenly takes on a serious tone. "You're never going to get over it. Not time, not nothing. One day, years from now you'll be on some far off planet and you'll turn a corner and the smallest thing will remind you of him. All over again you're going to hurt and cry and hate the universe. But it will be different. Because eventually you're going to be able to live with it. All the pain and hurt will still be as raw as if he died yesterday but somehow you will be able to go on. You'll live with it because you have to. You'll live with it because he was your Doctor and there is no one in the entirety of space and time who can make you forget what he meant to you."

I sniff, looking up at Jack's face, watching the emotion play across it. "You sound like you speak from experience."

"Another time, Rosie. Another time."

I nod, pulling back from our hug and taking Jack's hand in mine, turning to watch the new Doctor in silence as he patiently tossed his sonic screwdriver from hand to hand.

"Why does he do it?" I ask suddenly. "Why does he cart me around, and spend most of his life trying to cheer me up? He's tried so hard and I've just been a down-right bitch to him."

"He remembers, Rosie. Everything. Every thought, every feeling, but mostly he remembers everything you meant to the old Doctor. Only a Dalek could abandon you knowing that."

"Oh," I whisper, staring up at Jack, shocked. "I don't think I'm going to go home yet."

Jack simply raises an eyebrow at me.

"I may not have a fantastic life right now but it's a better way of living."

-Fin-


End file.
